"Don't be a capatost"

When I think of Joe, I will always think of a day in late February 2004. I left the apartment I was sharing with Chiara, but instead of heading to work, I traveled out to a New Jersey diner to let him in on a secret no one else knew: I had two Air France tickets and a plan to ask his daughter to marry me the following Friday.

I was thrilled when Joe gave his blessing for my plan. We then chatted about life, family, and love for an hour, and Joe shared with me some of the wisdom we all rely on him for. “Courtship is about conquest,” he observed, “but marriage is about surrender.” (Or put another way, don’t be “capatost.”) It is sage advice that has stayed with me ever since.

For decades, Joe has welcomed me into his family the way he did at that diner in 2004, always being generous with his home, his cooking, and camaraderie. He thrives on sharing and hospitality, and I have always admired his ability to connect with virtually anyone.

He didn’t listen to my urging that he run for Mayor of Elizabeth; I guess he was too busy creating a loving and supportive home base for the “biomass” as it grew, at times at astonishing rates. His magnanimity and warmth as his daughters expanded their families are qualities I will always remember, and will seek to emulate as my own children age.